it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
