my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
