i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm really busy with my period
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