They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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