bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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