If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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