I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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