he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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