He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
