Just fell off a train. Bad.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
