Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
