Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i love accidental penises.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
