you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
