Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
