how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm at about main and main street
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
