HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
