Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
