In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
