I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
