Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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