Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
