just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
