if you like me you must not know who I am
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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