help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
