I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
