I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
