he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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