i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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