Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
