It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
