Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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