I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
