I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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