If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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