thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
