Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
