Me. At least after what I've been through.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
