I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
