You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
a search helicopter?!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
