He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
