I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
