They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
