theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
