I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
there's paper in my vomit.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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