my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
