a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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