Little spoons don't ask big questions
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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