Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
