its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
