you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
