If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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